There is a difference between letting go and pushing people away. Sometimes we think that by getting someone out of our lives, we are going to improve the situation. Clearly this has its merits, especially if that person is a source of negativity.
We can’t do much about family members who are terribly negative, but we can still do things to protect ourselves against their influences (see my post about protecting yourself). For non-family people, letting go of someone who has been the source of terrible disappointment or who has brought a lot of pain into your life and refuses to let it go for themselves, can be a very difficult decision, but may ultimately be a release. That rush of happy that you feel when you do that will most likely confirm that what you did was the right thing.
But sometimes you don’t get that rush of happy, and that should tell you that maybe it wasn’t quite the right decision.
Sometimes we push people away because we’re struggling to accommodate them in our lives. Maybe they came along when we thought we needed them, and actually it was the wrong time. Maybe they have changed … or we have changed … and that has resulted in an awkward fit. Maybe … just maybe … we’re not ready for the positive and scary things that they are encouraging us towards. Everything they represent can seem like too much; too much pressure, too much strain, too much everything, and on top of our busy, responsible lives, is just blatantly too much across the board.
Pushing them away may seem like the only option, but sometimes there may be another choice. One that is not necessarily a permanent one, but that gives you a stay on the friendship. See, an all-or-nothing attitude may work if you are trying to take over the world, but when it comes to dealing with people on a personal one-to-one level, all-or-nothing can destroy the bad and the good. People are made of grey shades; they aren’t black and white, so it seems more logical to deal with them in a grey kinda way.
Have you got a person in your life that you care about, but who is giving you too much to handle at the present time? Are you falling out with them? Pushing them away?
If you recognise this, perhaps now is the time to think about what that person means to you, and why they’re important to you.
Telling them what is going on with you, and asking them to give you a break, may seem like a big ask, especially when you know that people can become defensive even when a problem isn’t about them. The chances are that the problem you’re having with their presence in your life isn’t about them – it’s more about the other pressures, the ones that their presence knocks on.
If you can have a sensible conversation with them about it; perhaps agree to catch up with them in a couple of months time; agree a hiatus or that you’ll call when things straighten out; if you can manage that peacefully, that’s very, very cool.
You don’t know how the future will pan out, so it’s no good making promises, especially if that person has been a lover. However, you can agree to reach out, sometime in the future. Doesn’t hurt to try. Whatever happens after that, happens. No-one has any power over that; it’s a world of probability and uncertainty, remember?
If that conversation turns into a fight, and they don’t understand what you’re saying, then perhaps you were right to turn them away full-stop. Either way, a proper conversation enables you to see the light more easily, and to decide what to do more clearly.
Two-way communication is the magick that we work every day in our lives, on a very mundane level. It brings in information that we wouldn’t have otherwise had, and stops us from imagining terrible and crazy things.
It can also prevent losses on emotional, spiritual, and very, very human levels.
So COMMUNICATE AND BE HAPPY!
That’s the Friday message from the ether of inspiration today!
Image c/o www.carlawainwright.com