Anyone in recovery from a traumatic or difficult relationship break-up can probably attest that friends are the greatest thing in the world.
They bring with them rampant indignation that someone could treat you so badly; they scold you when you admit fault or suggest that you should have seen it coming. They treat you mean, so that you don’t have to, and they do it because they love you. Friends hammer open the shell of your understanding so that your seedling can grow again.
Most empathy is given along the lines of ‘one door closes, another door opens’, or ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’. It’s no different from what you would say if the roles were swapped. Our wisdoms of life, no matter how we come to them, tend to be similar, because that’s what the overall experience of life is.
Loss as opportunity
Loss as opportunity is a helpful concept, because it relights hope in the heart of the person suffering the loss, but more importantly, it realigns the hope with the person themselves, instead of with the lost partner.
Clinging to false hope is foolish; and I’m sure we’ve all done it from time-to-time, but life is so short, it would be a terrible shame to waste it lingering after someone who doesn’t want to be with you.
Taking the opportunity to convalesce and find yourself again, is a good way to recover from the aggregated traumas of many relationships-gone-wrong. It’s so easy to drift from liaison to liaison, but taking some real time out for yourself – and for your kids if you have them – is an opportunity that shouldn’t be missed.
Instead of sitting around feeling sad, do things that make you feel at least a little better. Even go back to things you liked to do in your childhood, or your formative, teenage years. Make papercrafts; glue a model aeroplane together; get the violin out.
Spend time with yourself. Play the DS or read 25 books in a month. Watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy back-to-back with caramel popcorn and the phones turned off, if that’s something you associate with ‘happy’.
That’s the rule, see? You’re only allowed to do happy things in your spare time. Happy is the only way to find contentment, and it only comes from the inside of you. And by the way, you’re still allowed to have off-days.
Remind yourself of happy
Just take a couple of short minutes sitting quietly at the end of the day – on the loo if that’s when you remember – and think about the things that make it okay to be you.
Look for the happy in your life, because it hides behind the worries and the disappointments, but it’s real and its tangible, and accessible for all, no matter how shit everything seems to be. All you have to do is see it.
Image c/o ayahuascaguatemala.com