What’s the opposite of ‘needy’? Self-affirmed?
Someone needy presumably looks to others to fulfil their needs, but a person who is self-affirmed, i.e. not looking to others to affirm themselves, does not.
I just had a chat with a great friend, and I was really glad I did. I had been thinking about her for a few days, but wasn’t sure how to start the conversation because we’d had so little contact over the last year. She lives on the other side of America, so it’s not like I can just pop round for coffee.
When we parted our conversation, she initiated the ending, and then we trailed on for a few more parting shots, until I ended it. I was decisive; I have a book review to write, and she has a book to edit, but for me this type of decision even existing in my world is something new. It used to get left to the other person to make a break for it.
I’m not as needy any more.
Before, I might have carried on those parting shots endlessly, subconsciously taking advantage of knowing my friend doesn’t want to feel bad by not responding. When you need to affirm yourself through other people, you can’t let them go. Not off the telephone and not in the big events of your life.
I thought back to the last relationship I had, and realised that as my insecurities grew, so did my neediness. My lover found it quite hard to get off the phone from me. But I was already pretty needy before he came along.
How to beat the neediness
My personal self-affirmation now has come with the spiritual uplift I’m experiencing. Maybe one caused the other. But somehow I’m better able to let people go right now, and it only adds to my feeling of self-empowerment.
It’s about being comfortable with yourself; not needing to draw off others’ emotional energy to feed your own well -being. Instead, you know and trust that you’re a valuable person, no matter what the other person thinks of you. They don’t have to stay on the line with you indefinitely to confirm that for you.
I totally recommend it. Meditation helps.
And by the way? You’re still a valuable person, even if you do stuff that’s a bit less than par. Even if you’re needy! We all do things we’re not really proud of, but if you value yourself, it’s easier to see what you’re doing and change it if you don’t like it.