The guy I love

The guy I love
I turn towards
Like aloe turns towards
The sun.

The guy I love
Gives me answers
Sometimes not the answers
I think I want.

But

The guy I love
Has quiet strength
Though he wishes that strength
Was prouder.

The guy I love
Is a soft lad
With agonies most lads
Don’t get.

But

The guy I love
Runs through my heart
Open, free, a
Lion-heart.

No other man for me.

Maggie Moon

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Feel the love: Tibetan singing bowls

If you’ve read many of my earlier posts, you’ll know I consider myself to be experiencing a ‘spiritual awakening’ or ‘spiritual evolution’ right now. This is an ongoing process that has changed the way I approach life, amongst other things.

I made a series of small, but hopefully permanent changes to the way I live, because I know that a small change inside of me will create huge changes to my external life. So far, so good. I get on with other people better, I feel good most of the time, I am ‘present’ in my life most of the time (not thinking too much about the past or the future) and life in general has taken a turn for the better. Those big externalisations have been happening!

One of the changes I made was to introduce daily meditative practice. I found that if I did something different each day; maybe a guided meditation one day, contemplative candle-staring another, casting a happiness spell over my home on a darker day, or learning about something new, like crystals, or tarot cards; the sum of all of these things was aimed to continue the good work I was doing on myself.

Last week, I thought maybe I was overdoing it, so I missed a couple of days.

I didn’t notice any negative alterations to myself or the way I was feeling, so I guess I felt okay about it, and I’m not keen to introduce guilt into my spiritual practice, so I didn’t waste time on those kinds of thoughts.

However, today I felt the need to meditate. And I’ve never felt that before. I put it ahead of the rest of my evening activities without even contemplating an alternative. I was keen to do something progressive, so I wasted a good 30 minutes skimming through YouTube to find something that resonated with me.

In the end, I came back to the Tibetan Singing Bowls, by templesounds. There are two versions of each chakra meditation by templesounds. The one I have linked to above is the one where the bloke instructs the listener, but the other version is without words and I love that one just as much.

The revelation

Doing this meditation for the first time in at least a couple of weeks, I realised what happens as you listen. By opening up your heart chakra (like a green spinning ball or a green lotus flower) and reaching outwards to all the people in the world  – not just those you know you love, but everyone – you attract a huge amount of positive love back towards you.

But how do you open your heart chakra?

Concentrate some attention on your heart area, and maybe imagine your chakra down there, spinning away.

Think about someone you really love. Your mum, favourite brother, your lover, a friend, whoever.

Think about the way that feels, almost physically, around the edges of your being. To me it’s like the tips of my energy field are lit up, like there’s an outline of light around me, except that it’s not light; it’s love.

And once you’re aware of your love and your light and the way it makes you feel inside, concentrate on maintaining those feelings.

Expand the feelings outwards; send your light out – not away, just outwards. Still feeling love, think about the world of people out there. Fixate on a country, or a group of people, or some people you know; whatever lights your candle 😉

In a really quiet space, somewhere in your being (remembering that your inner space is infinite, while your external space is not), access the gentle hum of love. It’s like connecting to a battery, but instead of pulsed electricity, it’s pure joy.

Think about that. Pure joy. Out there for you to grab hold of, any time you like.

Bright blessings!

Maggie Moon

Image c/o templesounds.net

Whatever I write

Whatever I write
Will be the wrong thing
Whatever I do
When I try to think
How to explain the
Depths of my feelings
How to describe the
Churning within when
I’m not allowed to
Show I love you.

I’m not in a place
Where I’m lost and sad,
Enjoying, instead,
What peace can be had.
Dramatics are cheap
Like gas from a bag
But when can we both
Take an equal drag
And smile and crying
Say I love you?

So now that you’re gone
And your life is free
How does it feel now
To be without me?
It’s great out at first
A bird on the wing
Do you love being alone?
Can you cope, long term?
Of course you can, it’s
Why I love you.

You’ve no need for another
And that’s the point.

I don’t want to be needed.
I want to be wanted.

Maggie Moon

Miss you already, Mr. Pratchett

I don’t know what other people are saying about Terry Pratchett, but man, I have to add my voice.

Miss you already, Mr. Pratchett. You knew more about witchery than any respectable person could; you opened up a whole newness of the fantasy genre for me; one with humour, so often lacking. You took advantage of the seriousness and stuck two fingers up at the idea that everything’s already been done.

Wyrd Sisters will always be my first love, but because I came late to your books and read new and old mixed up together, I never suffered from the idea that your earlier ones were funnier.

And I admit. I apparently stole a number of your books from a very good friend, including a signed one with a dedication – my only defence when he pounced on his books on visiting me was that I honestly remembered him saying I could keep them. From his reaction I suspect that must have been another book. He’d already bought copies of the missing books, so was kind enough to let me keep them (a good 10 years after he’d lost them 😦 ), but at least he got back his copy of The Colour of Magic. Man, I felt bad.

Thanks, Terry Pratchett, for the laugh-out-louds, the spit-out-your-soups, and the tight, overworked cheek muscles. Thanks for the snippets of paganism, and the crazy but somehow tightly hinged ridiculousnesses that every book of yours has put us through.

Just, thank you.

And just for the record? On this day of your passing, the night is as black as the inside of a cat.

The brightest blessings of all to you.

Maggie Moon

The kindnesses of others

Kindness is one of those understated concepts that often goes unnoticed – sometimes even by the person receiving it. But it has a big place in a world of positivity.

Kindness is an action or an inaction, a verbalised comment or something left unsaid. It’s an orange, peeled for someone who was struggling; a smile after an awkward situation; a mother who makes the spare room into a gold and white girly-princess room because only the daughter lives away from home.

Sometimes it’s harder than that. Sometimes it’s telling a person something that they don’t want to accept. I spent several years at University breaking up with my best friend’s boyfriends for her. It was better for them that they knew. Maybe I had her permission to do that. I can’t even remember any more 🙂 *Yep, I may be the friend from hell*

A drowning man clutches at straws; surely it’s better if someone tells him that they won’t help him float? At least that way he can remember he needs to swim.

Whether it’s delivered as tough love, or with the tenderness of babies, I love to appreciate other people’s kindnesses. I reflect back on the things people do for me – especially the unexpected kindnesses – and it makes me feel lucky. Just today I got two little ‘spell kits’ in a parcel of smudge sticks that I’d ordered from Morrigans, a kind gift from my friend who runs the shop.

Three people have bought my coal for me this winter. Two of them aren’t related to me. Have you seen the price of coal in the UK?

Those are all quite big kindnesses, but then there was the boy who picked up a shell from the seashore for me because he knew my back was sore, and washed it in a rockpool before giving it to me. Of all the things he gave me, that one meant the most. No big gesture, just a bunch of little ones that meant I wouldn’t try to bend down when I couldn’t.

See? It comes in all sorts of guises – you have to be on the ball to spot it sometimes – but kindness is well worth appreciating.

I think we should have a Kindness Appreciation Day.

Bright blessings!

Maggie Moon

Till then

Don't be afraid

Actions in life
Speak louder than words
But words were what I hoped for.
Not promises (smoke on wind
Drifted smells of wonderful things),
Not regrets (the saddest things
Worse than the terrible happenings),
But quiet words with feeling
Without sentiment
Without gushing and
Without the use of the word
Love.

***

Three pages
Three minutes
Of shaking, trembling happiness
And fear.
Just enough words
To keep you dear
To me,
My love.

And all that I can say to thee, is
truth and honesty.
Open transparency
That anyone can see.

Commitment to our choices
Whatever they are
No matter what.
If that’s what you want,
That’s what.

And now
We wait
With bated breath
To see what on earth
Will happen next,
Hands a-sweat
and
Nothing more to be said
For now.

Till then.

Maggie Moon

Image c/o Wikimedia Commons

So over you

I am so over you.
Sometimes whole hours pass
Before you pass before my mind
Sometimes it’s lunchtime before I think of you.
That would never have happened
Before when I was caught
Like a tuna in a trawler net
Like a dragonfly in a butterfly net
Your web was sweet
Filtered with honeyed words
And shiny, beautiful new
Intentions.
But without those glistening strands of captivation
I fly true, alone
Freedom at a cost
But freedom nonetheless.
Still hoping in secret, one day
That time will be turned back
That your sticky strands will recapture me
That sweet joy will be brought forth
Safe in the arms of
He who holds my soul forever.
But for now. Just
For now.
I’m so over you.

 Maggie Moon

Image c/o www.deepintolove.com

Say ‘I love you’, and reap the benefits

Look, there’s a problem.

It’s a big one.

People don’t say ‘I love you’ enough. They just don’t.

Most of the candidates I can think of off the top of my head are male, but some are female and it may just be down to the fact I know more women, and the passionate fiery types I know well are more likely to say emotional stuff.

What’s wrong with saying ‘love you,’ or ‘I love you’ to the people that you love?

It becomes a habit

Maybe we’ve all tripped the trap of establishing loving habits like ‘I love you’ (before bed, or when you go to work) early on in a relationship; as we fall out of love, we keep on saying it.

This happens either because the other would know we no longer love them and we can’t figure out how to get round that, or because we aren’t connected to ourselves properly to realise how we feel.

But what about when you mean it?

What’s wrong with just saying it? It never gets tired when you mean it.

My best friend at university unknowingly taught me how to say ‘I love you’. She always said it to her mum and dad, and her sister and brother. I don’t know if she ever said it to a man. Being the magpie copycat that I am, I took it home with me, and started telling my parents it.

We still say it now, though at the time my mum poo-pooed the need to be so ‘mushy’ or ‘sentimental’. She does it loads now; she’s a loving texter (she will say that she always said it in letters anyway, nothing to do with my input ;)).

The benefits of saying ‘I love you’

I dunno. It’s visceral, but you can’t miss the wonderful wash of feelings and general well-being that flows in both directions when you say it. How that feels is up to you. Everyone feels love in a different way, don’t they, but perhaps that’s the point: everyone feels love.

So say it! For the good of mankind, say it, at least to the people you care about, and mean it.

‘I love you’ is a bit like magick. It works whether you believe it or not.

Giving love is a habit

It’s just like being happy! What I’ve found is that even people who think they don’t need ‘I love you’ melt into its usage in endearing ways. It really does break down barriers.

I’ve used it like a weapon of love on friends who have great qualities but are difficult to get on with, gruff, tough male friends who roll with it for fear of being told off otherwise, and randomly when I’m having a good day.

There are all kinds of ways you can say it so that you don’t sound like a soulful idiot. Just try it out if you don’t know how it’s going to sound. And work it till you find a sound you like. It’s easier to be spontaneous when you’re not worried about how daft you look.

So here’s your challenge for Wednesday!

Tell someone you love them, and mean it.

Bright blessings!

Maggie Moon

Why is your ex-partner so tempting?

Today I was asked the question: why do we go back to our ex-partners? Why do they seem so attractive?

You’re a good picker

If you fancied them before they were strong, independent women or secure, confident men, then you’re sure as hell going to fancy them now they are.

People do improve with time

People either improve with time, or wither and die under the pressure of living. It has to be better to learn from mistakes and grow with the experiences than to internalise them to the point where you become invisible to the world.

It takes a long time to develop every part of you and make yourself whole. If your ex has managed to go that way, all the better for them, but don’t expect them to go for you if you’re still exhibiting the same habits that you did the last time they knew you.

Better the devil you know

This only applies to the most recent of ex-partners, because the changes mentioned above can happen quickly. Sometimes returning to relative safety is better than no safety. Sometimes we just weren’t ready to leave yet.

Letting go and allowing people to move on into their own walk of life is just as important as being able to commit; it’s just not recognised like that when emotional upheaval comes to town.

They used to find you attractive so they will now

Good luck with that. I know I’ve always looked for what’s on the inside when it’s come to men; they become less attractive when they stop being nice to me. It’s just happy chance if they are also buff, but even if they are, they still become unattractive when they are no longer nice to me.

If your ex rates body before inner beauty, and you’ve kept in shape, I guess there’s a chance this one is true.

If you’re unconfident about your body, you may want to address that before trying someone new or an ex-partner. Why knowingly inflict your solvable insecurities on someone else and expect them to make everything better? Having a relationship is not a panacea for everything that is wrong with you. It definitely isn’t validation, because some people will shag anything. You can totally only make some things better for yourself.

And when I say ‘address that’, I don’t mean get down to the gym – no-one’s judging anyone here – but you gotta accept who you are; that’s where proper confidence comes from.

You don’t feel that it was properly over

It’s one thing if both of you feel that, but if it’s only you, it might be best to stand back and see if the ex steps forward.

When something seems not to be properly over, there are probably ‘issues’ that weren’t dealt with. Rejection, domestic violence, and bullying are just a few of the shitty hang-ups we can come out of relationships with.

Resolving issues and things that have happened takes time, whether you talk them over with your ex, or are left to dwell on them by yourself.

Sometimes it’s just tough-titties.

A bit of time put aside for self-analysis can be useful, as long as it doesn’t spill over into your me-time.

Should you ever attempt ‘going back with’ your ex?

I personally don’t make a habit of going back to my ex’s because I don’t usually leave a relationship until the absolute bitter end. I pretty much never want to see them again in those circumstances. I think you could call them ‘resolved’ relationships by that point.

Unresolved relationships,  however, may have far more potential for future trysts, so they’re no less likely to succeed, as long as each person has built on what they already had.

That way everyone has something new to bring to the table.

I hope that answered the question 😉

Maggie Moon

Image c/o abbatotjunc1.blogspot.com

Tips for writing a love letter

As a dedicated heterosexual woman, I believe that there is nothing sexier than a man who writes words of passion, adoration and devotion to a woman. As long as they are both two mutually consenting adults, in any case.

Love letters might be a bit out of vogue, but hell, people still write them. Why? Any situation where the lovers are separated is a reason to write a love letter, and this means that love letters tend to originate from four camps:

  • Unrequited love
  • Love broken down
  • Clandestine relationships
  • Long distance relationships

Most relationships are none of the above, and it would seem that when other types of communication are used all the time, love letters fall into the garbage bin of byegone possibility.

The thing is, they create anticipation, and there’s nothing like anticipation for stoking a girl’s ardour.

So, your mission for today is to write a love letter of the strongest possible wording to your dear one, even if they don’t even know who they are! Don’t worry, I can’t actually make you send it 😉 That would be classed as unethical magick. But as an exercise it can really help you figure out how you feel about someone.

Walking the line between mush and sex

Your letter’s salutation is the first thing your babe or dude will read. ‘Dear …’ has to be one of the most formally dull ways to begin, so lose that immediately. Keep it informal, and show the light of your life that you adore them in the very first line.

Mushy is acceptable to an extent. If you both tend a little towards petnames and similar,  you can probably get away with more than if you have a more ‘functional’ relationship. Sexy is also super acceptable. Mush is not good if you know your lover will immediately puke into the nearest wastebin.

Good examples of suitable mush and / or sexy include: ‘Hello my last bite of delicious pumpkin pie’, ‘My darling angel of the south’, or ‘Hey my little sex grenade’. I’m sure you can do better. Note the use of the word ‘my’. It doesn’t so much signify possession as it does togetherness, although I’m not sure of the extent of the subtlety.

Oh, and sexy is good; wordporn is maybe a little too far, unless you have the kind of relationship where you’ve been titivating each other’s sexual desires for some time. So, ‘My gorgeous sex-bucket-of-cum with the silkiest labia ever,’ may be a step too far, or it may be perfectly acceptable. Make that call carefully.

The main body of words

Struggling to think of something to write? Don’t think you have to be mushy! You don’t. In straightforward language, the way you talk if you like, tell your lover why your life is better for knowing them. Don’t use too many fancy words and don’t write in marshmallow-sweetness just because you can’t think of anything else to say.

It has to be meaningful.

Tell them how badly you want to be with them, and how that makes you feel, physically and emotionally.

Tell them how closely they match up with the person you always imagined you’d be with, or the time you first noticed them.

Tell them why they’re a stand-out person, and what you have in common, and the things you want to do with them when you get together. That’s right, I said with them. As in wholesome activities.

Then tell them what you want to do to them. The Devil’s in the details. Go for it! Harness your imagination and ride them through the possibilities, whether that’s snogging on a rollercoaster, or shagging in the most delightful way.

Say goodbye (hopefully not to your relationship)

Say it in the nicest, most cherishful way possible, but remember that simple is best. My favourites have been ‘Goodnight my shining star’, and ‘with all my love, always’. With a tiny injection of imagination, you can tailor your goodbye to your angelically sexy lover with a one-in-a-million ending, as long as you stay true to yourself.

That’s the thing with love letters. It’s no good pretending to be someone you’re not, because ultimately you will meet up. It has to be authentic. That way it will really mean something to the other person in your life.

Sentimental people tend to hold on to love letters; I can’t speak for the rest of the population. I have a couple on real paper, from back in the olden days when people used to mail things through the post, and I have a mountain of e-lovies from a more recent delightful, though traumatic tryst.

I don’t quite dare to go back through those just yet, I suspect they will still make me a little wobbly, and that’s the point really; love letters allow you to capture a time when you felt amazing about your lover, filled with all the dopamine and serotonin that your body can muster.

So get your laptops and tablets out, and write yourself into someone’s history. The chances are that they won’t have ever received a love letter before, so it’s a great way to stand out as special!

Bright blessings!

Maggie Moon

Image c/o www.elobservadormas.com.uy

The Scarcity of Love

The illusion of scarcity is a concept that rules our economic world. Charles Eisenstein, in his book Sacred Economics, explains that it is tempting to assume that capitalist employers, banks, and rich people in general are obsessed with driving down the prices of everything, and keeping the rest of the world poor, because they are greedy.

But, greed is nonsensical in a world of abundance. It only makes rational sense in a context of scarcity. That is, the idea that there isn’t enough (of money, resources, whatever) to go around, and therefore we must behave like greedy people to obtain, maintain and increase our wealth.

This also makes a bit more sense of love, and the way that people behave when they are (or think they are) in love.

The One

The idea that there is only one person out there for everyone is a dangerous concept. Yet so many of us buy into this. Most likely, each person that we properly fall for, we think that they are ‘the one’. Or that they might be, and we just don’t know for sure yet.

And if there’s only one person out there for each person, we should probably never risk losing that person. And if we do, we should go to every length to ensure that we get them back.

But what happens to those who get married and then find that their ‘one’ isn’t? Has their real ‘one’ gone off and got married? What about their spouse’s ‘one’? Are they even alive, or born yet? What if they had a terrible accident and will never, ever show up? Do all marriages that are not to ‘the one’ end in divorce or murder?

Love doesn’t happen every day

This is another illusion of scarcity where love is concerned. Love does happen every day, but there are a few variables that determine its viability. According to the New York Times, it’s possible to fall in love with anyone, with the right set of questions. I suspect it has as much to do with genetic preferences and hormones as it does with psychology, but it certainly isn’t scarce.

It’s happening right now, somewhere in the world, someone is in love, or is falling in love, or just simply loves someone else. Love is everywhere, but it’s a bit like happiness; sometimes it hides behind the negatives.

Love is less likely, the older you get

More scarcity, but again, I don’t think it’s true. Older people may be less open-minded about it (does anyone remember the sitcom Waiting for God?! Maybe they were a bit too open-minded!) and that may reduce their chances somewhat, but it is more likely that their priorities are fixed on health and family, rather than whether or not they will meet their one true love. Or any love, for that matter.

What is our need for love really based upon?

It seems to me that love is possible, is easy, and can be viable in the most difficult and awkward of circumstances, but in order to thrive, it must be prioritised, or at least, maintained alongside other priorities as an equal.

maslow's hierarchy of needsMaslow’s Hierarchy of Needs says that before a person can become empowered and ‘self-actualised’ they must first have self-esteem, and before they can access that, they must have love, and before love, they must feel safe, and before safety, they must have water and food and shelter.

Sometimes other things are more important than falling and being in love.

Love and control: a postscript

Maslow’s hierarchy may not be entirely correct, but it is a helpful model. It’s a complicated explanation of a primeval human survival instinct: that a woman cannot have an orgasm unless her feet are warm.

Warm feet indicate food, shelter, and safety. Our bodies won’t allow glorious abandon until we have a few other things under control.

Blessed be!

Maggie Moon

Breathe

No need to stand
With an empty hand
An empty heart
With a closed up part.
No need to bleed;
There’s a need instead
To breathe.

No need to cry
Face-up to the sky
A rainy day once
In a while
Is fine, it’s true
But it’s up to you.
Think what you want,
What’s good for you?

So no need to bleed
Or even grieve
You know what will be
Will be.
And it makes no odds
If you worry or not
Make the most of what
You’ve already got
And untie yourself
From your self-made knots
And grow your seedling
Once again because
You deserve to breathe.

breathe1

Maggie Moon

Get more of my work on Amazon UK and Amazon US, Self-Torture for Dummies, a tale of love and curses, told in 21 short poems.

Inline image c/o www.thenoblecreative.com
Feature image c/o c-c-n.org

Creative Commons Licence
Breathe by Maggie Moon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial 4.0 International License.

Beat the Blues after a relationship break-up

Anyone in recovery from a traumatic or difficult relationship break-up can probably attest that friends are the greatest thing in the world.

They bring with them rampant indignation that someone could treat you so badly; they scold you when you admit fault or suggest that you should have seen it coming. They treat you mean, so that you don’t have to, and they do it because they love you. Friends hammer open the shell of your understanding so that your seedling can grow again.

Most empathy is given along the lines of ‘one door closes, another door opens’, or ‘there are plenty more fish in the sea’. It’s no different from what you would say if the roles were swapped. Our wisdoms of life, no matter how we come to them, tend to be similar, because that’s what the overall experience of life is.

Loss as opportunity

Loss as opportunity is a helpful concept, because it relights hope in the heart of the person suffering the loss, but more importantly, it realigns the hope with the person themselves, instead of with the lost partner.

Clinging to false hope is foolish; and I’m sure we’ve all done it from time-to-time, but life is so short, it would be a terrible shame to waste it lingering after someone who doesn’t want to be with you.

Taking the opportunity to convalesce and find yourself again, is a good way to recover from the aggregated traumas of many relationships-gone-wrong. It’s so easy to drift from liaison to liaison, but taking some real time out for yourself – and for your kids if you have them – is an opportunity that shouldn’t be missed.

Instead of sitting around feeling sad, do things that make you feel at least a little better. Even go back to things you liked to do in your childhood, or your formative, teenage years. Make papercrafts; glue a model aeroplane together; get the violin out.

Spend time with yourself. Play the DS or read 25 books in a month. Watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy back-to-back with caramel popcorn and the phones turned off, if that’s something you associate with ‘happy’.

That’s the rule, see? You’re only allowed to do happy things in your spare time. Happy is the only way to find contentment, and it only comes from the inside of you. And by the way, you’re still allowed to have off-days.

Remind yourself of happy

Just take a couple of short minutes sitting quietly at the end of the day – on the loo if that’s when you remember – and think about the things that make it okay to be you.

Look for the happy in your life, because it hides behind the worries and the disappointments, but it’s real and its tangible, and accessible for all, no matter how shit everything seems to be. All you have to do is see it.

Bright blessings!

Image c/o ayahuascaguatemala.com

Maggie Moon

Valentine’s Day and how love REALLY works

Honestly, all the fuss over Valentine’s Day (and who doesn’t want to get a Valentine, really … deep down? No? You sure?) and it appears to be a made-up festival, possibly introduced by Pope Gelasius I in AD496 to get rid of a lingering pagan festival that was much more interesting.

:] *crooked smile*

Lupercalia

From February 13 – 15, people used to celebrate a cleansing festival that was supposed to drive out the evil spirits and purify the places where they lived. They ran naked in the streets or wherever, and partied.  A lot. There was a lot of shagging.

See, it wasn’t a festival particularly for couples; more about celebrating fertility and cleansing the space. It was mainly people who were single, selecting each other for the next year. Or just that night. Who knows?

Married women joined the fray (but not the selection) to increase their fertility and probably just because they didn’t want to miss out. I want to presume that married men also did that, but I can’t find any information about it.

Most women aren’t going to admit to a desire to line up and be whipped with the bloodied pelts of just-sacrificed goats and dogs, but that’s possibly one of the happy community activities that took place during the original Lupercalia. Increases fertility. Honest. Did I mention the shagging?

lupercalia-festival

Is she laughing or crying?

Many traditional Valentine’s Day games are about drawing names out of a hat and selecting a partner, so they clearly link back to the old festival, even if they’ve been thoroughly sanitised by various powers-that-be at some point in Christianised history.

Oh, and the love heart?  It’s a symbol of womanhood, her lips swollen, parting gently and ready to be entered!

What is love, anyway?

The infatuation stage of love is shaped by the release of hormones, triggered when you meet someone who appears to align all your current desires. You’re most likely to be attracted to someone whose genes you subconsciously like. That probably explains why physical opposites attract, too.

You get three stages: lust, attraction, and attachment, with a different set of hormones ruling the physical game for each stage. Testosterone and oestrogen drive the first part, but it’s the second phase that is the most famous on Valentine’s Day.

Attraction comes with the madness of being in love, driven by serotonin, a feel-good hormone that makes you crazy.

It makes you feel amazing, because you get a rush of dopamine, which is incidentally also the result of cocaine, cigarette smoking, and even sadistic sex and torture. The problem with dopamine, is that your body gets used to it very quickly, so you have to take more or do more of the stimulant behaviour to get the same high each time.

Attraction also kick-starts an adrenalin rush, which gives you the pounding heart and the inability to breathe. And hot sweats for some lucky folks.

Oh yes, being in love is fabulous.

After sex

After you’ve shagged, the bodies of both of you will be flooded with oxytocin, one hell of a  bonding hormone. It’s triggered by cuddling, kissing, hugging, and similar, and in countries where people greet each other with a hug and a kiss (think France) the population produces more oxytocin than those who greet with a handshake or nothing.

Interestingly, oxytocin also causes people to be very hostile to outsiders to the union. (Or the tribe. Think France ;-). In the case of love, this partly explains the nightmare situations between partners and ex-partners that occur more often than you might think.

That’s how love works.

Bright blessings!

Heart image c/o www.clavielle.com
Image c/o whathappenedtoguentherlause.wordpress.com

Maggie Moon

The difference between letting go and pushing away

There is a difference between letting go and pushing people away. Sometimes we think that by getting someone out of our lives, we are going to improve the situation. Clearly this has its merits, especially if that person is a source of negativity.

We can’t do much about family members who are terribly negative, but we can still do things to protect ourselves against their influences (see my post about protecting yourself). For non-family people, letting go of someone who has been the source of terrible disappointment or who has brought a lot of pain into your life and refuses to let it go for themselves, can be a very difficult decision, but may ultimately be a release. That rush of happy that you feel when you do that will most likely confirm that what you did was the right thing.

But sometimes you don’t get that rush of happy, and that should tell you that maybe it wasn’t quite the right decision.

Sometimes we push people away because we’re struggling to accommodate them in our lives. Maybe they came along when we thought we needed them, and actually it was the wrong time. Maybe they have changed … or we have changed … and that has resulted in an awkward fit. Maybe … just maybe … we’re not ready for the positive and scary things that they are encouraging us towards. Everything they represent can seem like too much; too much pressure, too much strain, too much everything, and on top of our busy, responsible lives, is just blatantly too much across the board.

Pushing them away may seem like the only option, but sometimes there may be another choice. One that is not necessarily a permanent one, but that gives you a stay on the friendship. See, an all-or-nothing attitude may work if you are trying to take over the world, but when it comes to dealing with people on a personal one-to-one level, all-or-nothing can destroy the bad and the good. People are made of grey shades; they aren’t black and white, so it seems more logical to deal with them in a grey kinda way.

Have you got a person in your life that you care about, but who is giving you too much to handle at the present time? Are you falling out with them? Pushing them away?

If you recognise this, perhaps now is the time to think about what that person means to you, and why they’re important to you.

Telling them what is going on with you, and asking them to give you a break, may seem like a big ask, especially when you know that people can become defensive even when a problem isn’t about them. The chances are that the problem you’re having with their presence in your life isn’t about them – it’s more about the other pressures, the ones that their presence knocks on.

If you can have a sensible conversation with them about it;  perhaps agree to catch up with them in a couple of months time; agree a hiatus or that you’ll call when things straighten out; if you can manage that peacefully, that’s very, very cool.

You don’t know how the future will pan out, so it’s no good making promises, especially if that person has been a lover. However, you can agree to reach out, sometime in the future. Doesn’t hurt to try. Whatever happens after that, happens. No-one has any power over that; it’s a world of probability and uncertainty, remember?

If that conversation turns into a fight, and they don’t understand what you’re saying, then perhaps you were right to turn them away full-stop. Either way, a proper conversation enables you to see the light more easily, and to decide what to do more clearly.

Two-way communication is the magick that we work every day in our lives, on a very mundane level. It brings in information that we wouldn’t have otherwise had, and stops us from imagining terrible and crazy things.

It can also prevent losses on emotional, spiritual, and very, very human levels.

So COMMUNICATE AND BE HAPPY!

That’s the Friday message from the ether of inspiration today!

Image c/o www.carlawainwright.com

Maggie Moon

Practise happiness NOW!

Here’s the thing: happiness can be as much a habit as not. In fact, it’s more likely that you regularly practice unhappiness. Maybe you’re expert in it. I know I am.

Well, I was. But I’m determined that the practice of happiness is going to change my life, and … guess what? It already has. Just a few positive changes to the everyday mundaneity, and away I have gone.

See, it’s easy to see the things that aren’t right in our lives. The person you miss like you have a hole in your heart. The annoyances that go wrong, the papercuts to our existence that bleed us dry of all our childlike silliness and joie de vivre that we started out with.

Think about it. The people at work who drive us insane; the crossing guard or lollipop lady who never ever smiles even when the kids say thank you; the spouse or partner at home who never seems to make an effort. The little intolerances are everywhere.

They’re going to be there anyway, whatever state of mind you’re in, so why let them get to you?

Fill yourself up with white light every day, until it creates a huge bubble around you, and step into the light of the outdoors with a new set of eyes.

Take a breath before answering the 7-millionth daft question on what you’re eating for lunch today.

In fact, just take a breath, and remember that some cultures believe our breaths are a mantra that we say 26,000 times a day. 26,000. Wow.

There are so many terrible things going on around the world; so much abuse and hatred and strange obsessions with meannesses and horrible things. If your life isn’t so bad, maybe today is the day to stand back and look at it kindly. Look at yourself in the mirror and be thankful for what you have.

Practise the practice of happiness. Don’t you just love the word practise/practice? One is a noun and the other a verb. Unless you’re American, in which case one of them is just spelled wrong.

Happy Wednesday, wherever you are!

Look at this happy dog. If she can get it right, so can you!

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Featured image c/o tinybuddha.com

Maggie Moon

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For a little more of Maggie’s words, try Amazon UK for her new book, Self-Torture for Dummies, a poetic tale of love and witchy magick.

Protect yourself from yourself

Here’s the thing: it’s all very well soul-searching and figuring out what’s wrong with you, but even if you find the answers, what are you going to do about it?

Take anger, for example. It’s fine to think about where the anger comes from and what sets you off, but how are you going to heal from it? How will you protect yourself from its energies? It’s no good standing there in the aftermath of the Hell you have created by accident, saying ‘I didn’t mean it’, or ‘I’m sorry’. Sorry doesn’t cut it. Sorry.

A very wise lady whom I met at the weekend (read her blog here, because she’s wonderful) asked me how I was intending to protect myself from the needling that causes much of my anger. That gave me a step back, because I use spiritual protection a lot, but I hadn’t realised it could save me from tantrums too.

I got another nudge from a dear friend today, too, so here are a few elements of protection that can really help you survive, whether you’re dealing with one of 100 shitty days at the office, family that know how to get through the weak spots in your armour, or just all those annoying things that normally get to you. Like people eating. That’s a big one that’s been doing the social media rounds of late. Misophonia. That’s right, protect yourself from feeling wound up by the sound of someone eating. Or clipping their nails. Murders have been committed for less.

1. Centre and ground yourself every day. In fact, every time you think of it. Draw everything in you to the centre of your body, around an inch below your belly button (on the inside), and when you’ve held that for a good while, drop a line (I use white / electrical light energy lines) into the ground and feel it growing outwards and downwards, like roots of a tree. Bring a line up from the ground too, so that you have two, one down, one up.

2. Fill a little bag with a charged tiger’s eye (if you don’t know how to charge, I’ve Googled it for you), a handful of seasalt, and put it on a string around your neck. You can have one of these in the car, at the front door … they’re good for lots of places.  Add some dried basil for extra protection.

3. Give your dog a cuddle.

Seriously, that last one could be the best protection you ever get. If, like me, you’ve screwed up your love life for the milionth time, you know that at least your dog still loves you. And love, you know, is the greatest protection of all.

Give and receive love, all day.

Blessed be.

PS. If you want some great ideas on spiritual protection, check out Rame Kachin’s blog, from where the image above also comes.

Maggie Moon

Making a tit of oneself

I’ve noticed something daft about the residue of a relationship gone wrong.

It’s a funny paradox, that where there was trust before, a shadow of it lingers after it has been destroyed. That shadow means that sometimes, the love-crazed idiot who can’t let go, finds his or herself continually beating at the issue, sending the ‘loved one’ messages from the broken heart, even after they don’t care any more.

The more that happens, the less they care. So why do we do it? (Yes, yes, I hold my hands up, I do know this type of fuckwittery reasonably well).

Let me count the ways:

1. We think it isn’t really real – that in a minute the ‘loved one’ will see the light and realise what they lost (they won’t – it’ll make ’em want to run away).

2. We think they don’t deserve to carry on as if we never happened. Especially if we’re struggling with that. (Whether it seems fair or not, they will anyway).

3. Maybe we think they should be punished by being forced to see the inside of the busted, still bravely beating heart. (Punishment really isn’t the way to get someone to love you. Check it).

4. We want to somehow make sure that we weren’t just a blip, or an insignificant nothing in their life. (Probably you weren’t that, but sending messages after the fact will make them glad that you’re not there any more, you crazy nutter!)

5. We want to tell them that we’re okay and that life is going on as normal, just in case they thought that them leaving us was the worst thing that could ever happen (it was, but hey ho, it’s called life).

As a writer, I have a tendency to rip out my beating, bloody heart, and show it to the world. This is problematic, especially for anyone thinking about falling in love with me. However, it’s excellent fodder for creativity, so at least there’s a silver lining in there!

Remember folks: messages after the fact are naughty, silly, faintly ridiculous, and smack of desperation. Don’t do it!  (Yep, she’s still fighting text messages from the one from the time before. Regrets the day she taught him to text. Hey ho).

Image c/o movingforwardmatters.com

Woman’s whole existence

“Man’s love is of man’s life a thing apart,
‘Tis woman’s whole existence.”

Thus said Byron, in Don Juan, and answered one of my questions of today: how could he say he felt all those things about me, when I was so resistant to begin with … only to draw me in like fire and oxygen, yo-yo me around for months, and then explode my world with permanent separation?

Why permanent?

The answer is because man can always still hold love apart from his life, and disconnect; can box it up till it’s meaningless and has no effect. While woman lives for love, to love, to be loved and to give love. Even scary women. Even non-romantic woman.

And maybe it isn’t about gender differences, but merely personalities. But the gender split is a convenient one at least, and meaning is hard to find without some context for the words.

Image c/o entertainmentpoint6.blogspot.com

Maggie Moon